It would appear that An tArdStiúrthóir Himself, Liam Ó Maoilmhichíl, has joined the rapidly swelling ranks of An Fear Rua’s readers and followers, your humble scribe is pleased to note….

Some weeks ago, An Fear Rua had occasion to remind his readers that the institution of county boundaries in Ireland resulted from little more than some idle doodling on a map by a couple of courtiers of the English Queen, Elizabeth I, back in the 17^th Century sometime. As a result, the county boundaries have no basis in Gaelic culture and have often thrown up glaring anomalies in the GAA fortunes of counties lying on either side of the boundary. An Fear Rua’s remarks were made in 'I Love Your Doublet And Hose Ducky...' This was a commentary on a hilarious Gilbert and Sullivan-style standoff between Counties Kilkenny and Waterford, over a proposal by the Decies county to take away more than a million acres from South Kilkenny thus extending the Waterford city and county boundary by a few miles into the neighbouring county.

The former Wexford All Ireland manager of 1996, Liam Griffin, is the first person An Fear Rua heard proposing the abolition of some county boundaries for GAA purposes. He was making the point that a stronger hurling county — like Wexford — should help a weaker neighbour — such as Carlow — by allowing Carlow clubs to compete in Wexford competitions. Liam's contention was that an essential part of the process in upgrading hurling skills in a weaker county is the opportunity to regularly hone skills against players of a higher calibre. So long as they continue to play only against competition from within their own boundaries they will never advance, according to Liam Griffin.

Now, in his Annual Report to the upcoming Congress, An tArdStiúrthóir Himself, Liam Ó Maoilmhichíl, has suggested that the current county system be scrapped. For example, he proposes that Sligo and Leitrim be amalgamated. One beneficial effect of this would be that the many aspiring ‘politeeshans’ in the ranks of d’Association would already being playing for their future constituencies, since Sligo-Leitrim have long been combined for national elections ! Also for amalgamation under the Ó Maoilmhichíl proposals would be Carlow and Wicklow. Maybe they could share the ‘low’ part of their names between them and become County ‘Wiccarlow’. Indeed, this proposal has the advantage that this is the pronunciation of Wickla’ already favoured by some of the posher denizens of the county — the likes of The Honourable Garech de Brúin and his musicianer pals — up around Lough Dan. The Honourable Michelle de Brúin’s pronunciation is, of course, another matter. But can you imagine a bunch of sheep farmers from, say, Baltinglass up on Hill 16 bellowing ‘Up Wiccarlow’ or ‘Come On Wiccarlow’ at their beloved team from the Garden County in the first round of the Leinster Championship ?

Despite their recent successful run in the O’Byrne Cup, Longford man Ó Maoilmhichíl has no hesitation in classing his native place among the ‘weaker’ counties and he proposes joining them up with Laois. Maybe this ‘county’ could call itself ‘LongLaois’, thus giving it wide appeal to the many dog fanciers among the serried ranks of GAA followers ? In a move that even the most die-hard gerrymandering Unionist of old in the North might have even baulked at, An tArdStiúrthóir Himself has proposed the amalgamation in football of Tipperary, Waterford and Limerick. This combined team would more or less coincide with the highest patterns of consumption of ‘lahrge’ bottles a’ Guinness in Ireland and might easily land the Saint James’s Gate brewery as their sponsors. The players and mentors presumably would all understand each other very well, since many of the citizens of these three counties speak with the same thick, French-sounding ‘r’ in their accents (what the language experts call the ‘alluvial r’ — a remnant of the early Norman conquest of these parts of Ireland). But can you imagine trying to cheer for this team ? ‘Come On Tipperary-Waterford-Limerick ! Ye Have Them On The Run Now !!! ‘ Sure, the match might be over by the time you’d finished your cheer.

There is, nevertheless, some sound reasoning behind Ó Maoilmhichíl’s suggestions. There seems to be a clear link between population size and success in Gaelic games. Basically, the bigger the population, the more All Irelands you win and the bigger the population again — like Cork or Galway — the more likely you are to make a fist of success in both hurling and football. An Fear Rua recalls the telling ‘Rebel’ boast that County Cork is so large, there are parts of the South West of the county so remote from Dublin that you could be more than half way on your journey to a match in Croke Park and still not have crossed the county boundary !

Ó Maoilmhichíl argues that no part of Ireland should have to wait more than twenty years for the Sam Maguire or the Liam MacCarthy to enter their territory. There is something in that argument. But, should Clare have stopped trying to win a hurling All Ireland after more after more than seventy years ? And if they had, how much poorer would the game of hurling have been ? After toiling fruitlessly for a hundred years, footballing ‘David’ Waterford dispatched ‘Goliath’ Meath last year in the Junior All Ireland final, unleashing scenes of unparalleled joy in the South Eastern county. (Read the amazing story of what happened in 'Lahrge' Bottles on the Square in Dungarvan... )

Apart from his ‘one-county-fits-all-sizes’ proposal, An tArdStiúrthóir Himself has put forward some other alternatives — the abolition of county teams altogether and their replacement by a series of ‘superclub’ teams. The outstanding success of the AIB Club Championships is a pointer in this direction. Indeed, a return to the clubs would represent a return to the original basis of inter-county competition, when their county champions represented counties in All Ireland championships. The snag An Fear Rua sees with that idea is that is could destroy the parish as the basis of clubs and could introduce the idea of a rugby-style ‘club’ — no more than a collection of buccaneers, mercenaries and fly-by-nights attracted only by money and staying with the ‘club’ only so long as they are paid to their satisfaction. Unwittingly, O’Maoilmhichíl could be opening the latch to a very unacceptable form of professionalism in GAA playing ranks. Another proposal would see a ‘weak’ county entitled to recruit team members from a designated section of a well-populated neighbour — Westmeath and Meath might be a good example. Come to think of it, though, why not drop the ‘West’ bit altogether and just call the whole place ‘Meath’ ?

Of course, there is an even simpler solution to the problem perceived by An tArdStiúrthóir Himself. Instead of amalgamating ‘weaker’ counties, why not get rid of a few ‘stronger’ ones. There's many a Waterford lad and lassie would feel their county would do much better in hurling were Cork to disappear off the map of Ireland, never to return. And since 1995, there’s many's the Tipperary Stone Thrower who might like to see their Clare neighbours towed away and sunk somewhere around the Porcupine Trough. But a GAA without the Kingdom of Kerry? Well may you raise your startled eye